Race 2, May 10th 2012
Unbeknown to us lesser mortals there has been a cabinet re-shuffle in the Gods.
Apparently the wind God has been demoted to God of Fog , whereas the Sun God that frankly has done little work recently had been transferred to celestial ministry of wind.
This new wind God seemed to have little idea of how the wind worked at Brogborough
Contestants gathered on the shore on this surprisingly warm evening and deliberated on sail size, unaware as we were about the cabinet re-shuffle we were automatically expecting the wind to turn off at 6.30 (well it always had in the past). But the new God was still wading through his dossier and hadn’t got to chapter 38 sub section 69
‘ Screwing Windsurfers at Brogborough Lake’
So the wind continued to blow all be it in vicious gusts (he had obviously read that bit)
So the problem was what to rig. Opinions seemed to vary wildly. Windy Miller and the Mighty Gollum (Geoff and Andre) seemed to total ignore the conditions before them, they laughed in the face of 27 mile an hour gusts that ripped across the surface of the water and rigged 9.5’s regardless.
Apparently they felt that it was necessary to rig for the lulls and ignored the fact that occasionally all hell was letting loose out there!
The rest varied somewhat, there were 8.5’s, 8.2’s 7.8’s, 7.5’s, 7.0’s, 6.5’s and 6.0’s
Our beloved race officer Helium Mike announced that it would be a slalom 6 lap race
“Did he say 6?”
“HOW MANY?”
Usual response then, nothing changes does it?
Helium continued, “We will have a ten minute Gun on the bank which will give us all a chance to get on the water and get to the start line on time!
Get to the start line on time? This was a new concept to racing that few of us had learnt to grasp!
There was a certain amount of shuffling in the ranks as various participants tried in vain to re set the yellow Big Ben’s that hung from their wrists, masquerading as stop watches. Technology is all very well, but when one is under pressure reasoning goes out the proverbial window. Helium sorted some lesser mortals, while Eeyore 2 attempted to assassinate Tigger’s time piece.
The start loomed, some including myself, tried to get right up wind, so that in theory they could bear down on to the first mark at speed. The whistle went and they were off. Helium in the opposite direction to everyone else, this apparently was to give everyone else a chance. Don’t you just hate it when we are shamed into being handicapped?
First buoy and it’s obvious that if Windy Miller and Gollum could hold on to their spinnakers they were going to be difficult to catch, as they sped round the first mark. Helium had already passed most of the fleet despite starting half a lap behind and then it’s the usual Brog lake carnage (Beecher’s Brook on a bad day!) Sig goes down first, Maid Maryan slammed into the stick insect and Eeyore one collapsed in a heap on top of both of them, as the flotsam drifts in a Southerly direction a gap appears nearer the buoy and those that followed found a small gap that steadily got wider.
Down the next leg and 9.5’s are virtually airborne as they career onwards. Windy Miller
was in his element ‘totally overpowered, the only way to sail!’ (Well he does live in a windmill with big sails)
Gollum and Helium followed.
Eeyore 1 having recovered from his ‘swim with friends’ picked up a gust and shot past fellow donkey, Tigger and Simple Simon. Jo and Alex were doing battle as was the Sapsard who appeared to be having his own personal conflict with his 8.5. I could be wrong but I think the sail was winning!
Our new Lake manager new to this form of masochistic pleasure was perhaps rueing the fact that he had sailed all afternoon and fatigue was setting in (honestly these Lake Managers have an easy life, wish I had a job like that!).
Then amongst all the big guys came Kaylon , one can only show admiration for his guts and determination, all right his reaches were broad and there was little or no chance of making the marks, but he was out there and fighting.
The race continued, the new wind God was getting the hang of this, as you approached the mark he turned the wind off, as you arrived he threw in a force seven gust, and to think you had just decided to flare gybe it! Not a hope!
Windy Miller still leading the pack, lapping lesser mortals at will. Maid Maryan had apparently forgotten how to gybe and was once again in the water with his 7.8 Cyan coloured sail, seconds later Eeyore one ploughed into him for the second time of asking with his matching 7.8 Cyan. How sweet Howard and Hilda!
(for those of you who watched Ever decreasing Circles)
Lap three saw Alex sacrifice herself as she attempted to take out Helium, the professional, at the mark. Sir Helium (rumour has it there may be a knighthood in the offing) brushed aside this abortive sabotage event as if it had never happened! Brave try Alex but try harder next time
Lap 4 saw the two love birds at it again. Maid Maryan fluffs gybe , Eeyore one tries to cut inside fails yet again and once again they drift into the sunset locked in some kind of macabre embrace.
It was at this point I decided enough was enough and lay back to admire the stars that had just started to appear. Much to the delight Of Eeyore 2 who swept round the mark with a grin on his face (least I think it was a grin) as did Tigger and Alex as once again she put in a spurt to take the lead in the Totty department.
For those left standing the race continued, from my prone position (slowly circling) it was difficult to tell what went on.
But the finish line finally arrived for the Overpowered Windy Miller and he crossed the line first (according to Sir Helium and I quote “he sort of won” not quite sure what that meant). Anyhow Sir Helium was second and the overpowered Gollum third. 4th place went to Simple Simon , having held off Stick Insect Graham who finished in 5th whose position was confirmed after a muted protest from Eeyore 2 that he had only done five laps. Technology was called for and GPS’s proved that Sig had indeed completed his allotted six laps. There was a further muttering from Eeyore as he stuffed yet another thistle into his mouth.
Was that an apology?
Doubt it!
So Phil (Eeyore 2 ) took 6th with the wife keeping her usual respectful twenty paces behind, holding off challenges from both Jo and Alex to take Tottys first spot, Jo next and then Alex. Sam our new lake Manager had seen the error of his ways by sailing all afternoon and just managed to survive to the end in 10th spot.
The rest of the fleet had been whooshed to the shore like driftwood, had dragged their bruised and battered bodies up the bank and remarked if anyone was interested that they were retiring
Bodies found washed up on the shore as follows
Mike Sapsard
Tony Tiffen and his friend Maid Maryan
Kamikaze Colin
Kaylon
There will be a memorial service for those lost at sea next week if you wish to attend!
